You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry, Mitt

Newt’s object in the South Carolina debates was to be the Hulk. No, not that green thing Ed Norton tried not to turn into in that ridiculous movie. Obviously I’m talking Lou Ferigno. Pure anger expressing itself, bursting out of the same plaid shirt every week, on behalf of the little guy.

His object in last night’s debate, however, was to be Dr. Bruce Banner. Quiet, reasonable and bright, yes -- but most importantly, the key for him was not to get hyper, to keep his pulse rate under 200. In fact, you could almost see Newt repeating this mantra in his head, over and over again, as his blood pressure began to rise -- do not explode, Newton Leroy, do not explode. Channel your hatred. Smile. No, not that obviously evil smile, the real-looking fake one. Ok, forget it. Just take a deep breath, and go into morally outraged that anyone has the audacity to question your character during a political campaign mode.

I’m happy to say, mission mostly accomplished. The worst it got to was about here, when Romney was basically poking Newt in the chest, over and over again (like a 10 year-old kid in the schoolyard): “Hey Plutarch, how’s that 25 grand a month now?”

Bottom line, Newt held it in, folks. He held it in.